Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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