Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
