maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
