he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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