drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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