I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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