i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween