is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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