No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Less talking, more tequila
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit