? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.