I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me