I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
