I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His hands were made for my vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
