They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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