happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
