Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
