Where is the hickey?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
