Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
