i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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