I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
