If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
