I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
