we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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