I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We are all done wearing pants today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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