you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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