i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
