remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
