I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
