I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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