You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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