Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
