I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
