the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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