I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
