I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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