Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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