is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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