Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
