ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
