I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am one with the molecules
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
