; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
