you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
