Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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