Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
