i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
