She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
