I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
