We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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