3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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