I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
