Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
