non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
