Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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