you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
