idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
