dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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