just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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