My cat gives me a boner
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize