No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
