When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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