someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
