his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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