She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
