Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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