I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
