Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
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i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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