He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
