bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
