I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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